Thursday, October 28, 2004


A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

tavern-tortoise (n.) a member of the tippling species (genus Befuddlemis) whose sub-categories include: boomer-barflies, lounge-lizards, hooch-hounds and pub-crawlers

e.g., The tavern-tortoise carefully examined his preprandial options: (1) a tryst with a loop-legged bar stool, (2) a clandestine affair with a squiffy cork-screw, (3) an alluring weekend fling with a bubbly bottle-opener – none of them seemed to jibe with his loose-fitting flotsam attire (namely a short jerkin), his penchant for pickles (gherkins to be exact), his jerry-built motor bike (with two training wheels), and his recently diagnosed co-dependent, anxiety-prone personality disorder (usually referred to as “the jimjams”).

Contributed by: Jequirty Upwey, a maudlin, night-light sort of person, and barista buzz boy at the Irish-Coffee Club, (Oostburg, Wisconsin)