POMPASTIC

A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

pompastic (adj.) marked by an ability to speak with a silver forked tongue, to shake a pompom vigorously or to operate a megaphone with ease, to work a crowd like a charming pick-pocket, to exploit a captive audience of lemmings, and finally, to come off as a wholesome, energetic, winning soul destined for a place in the sun or at the very least, CEO of all the frigging galaxies in the universe.

e.g. While Peter Piper’s annoying, boorish and oblivious attitude alienated him further from the pouncing paparazzi and his posing-pouch peers, his pompastic schmoozing talents did however allow him to rekindle old friendships with a horde of rampaging teetotalers, and rework some passionate romantic dalliances with several notable poppets of poppycock not to mention babes of bosh, so much so that he found himself making amends with those he’d fallen out with including a cloned shorn sheep known affectionately as “Pork Chop”, Head Nurse Goody Tueschuze (a wild berry jelly addict and a mirthless matriarch) from the Fops N’ Fonkins Home for Seniors, and a free-thinking, earth-bound, fallen angel named Ralph, (who failed to pass the loves and fishes miracle test on the TV shopping channel, thereby squelching his chance to live his dream and true calling as either an ebullient red fire-hydrant or an effervescent school recess monitor.)

Contributed by: Gerard Whassup, a scandalous, limelight-grabbing, artificial limb sales and service representative of Dystopia Inc., (a growth-opportunity, lifestyle performance enhancement and state-of-the-art wellness firm situated in the heart of a Kafkaesque winter wasteland of the future)