ABAGONY

A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

abagony (n.) intense pain associated with watching mid-riff bulge muscle workouts on video (knowing full well that one hasn’t a hope in hell of getting past the first lesson)

e.g. After tripping over the toaster this morning, TV shopping channel hostess-with-the-mostest -- Tequila Bellibone -- decided it was high time she faced the music and danced, (although she wasn’t quite prepared for the surprise that arrived in the mail the other day, a vanity video with her name on); now if only she knew how to alleviate the ill-effects of abagony, she’d be a flaming genius or at the very least, a well-heeled, wicked witch on training wheels, ...on second thought, make that a tread mill (a simple but infinitely more pleasurable pastime for those who failed the walk on water, hot coals, and egg shells test).

Contributed by: Michael Thrums, a resident of Spuzzum, British Columbia, a rodent exterminator and an avid collector of odd, if not rather amusing art forms including gargoyles, chamber pots, commodes and heraldic monster garden ornaments or cherubic-looking (although a titch chubby) porcelaine figurines