PLUMPKIN

Newest addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

plumpkin (n.) a joy-challenged, abundantly-proportioned, gaunt-looking gourd with little going for her except the fact that she was raised by a peanut-farmer from Turkey Scratch, Arkansas

e.g. Rose Ripplebelly, a shy plumpkin, retired to her 24-bedroom mansion in Bummerville, California, (with features such as far too many well-appointed ensuite bathrooms painted environmentally-friendly hues of orange and green, an air-conditioned doghouse with a surround-sound meditation music system for her magnificent mutt named "Nuts of Knowledge" , and a rather humungous, heart-shaped, hot-tub), in order to contemplate how to define the central role that effective public relations, marketing, and development plays in the management of contemporary museums that no one wants to visit even with such great giveaways as a free supply of Halloween Kisses for one year, a magic bag of Kryptonite, and autographed copies of “Frosty is a Stupid Name”, “Mrs. Goodhearth and the Gargoyle”, and “Peek-a-Little Boo”.

Contributed by: Topher Many-Farms, a retired dentist from Floss, Arizona (but raised in Why, Arizona because his parents didn’t even know that Whynot, North Carolina existed).

BOOBONIC PLAGUE

A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

boobonic plague (n.) a particularly pesky pestilence caused by a boisterous bacterium (Yokelinia pestis), characterized by the appearance of far too many blunders, boo-boos, and bungling behavior associated with a segment of the general public usually regarded as rather boobish or boorish because of their assinine ability to fall precipitously into booby hatches and booby traps of their own making, not to mention their penchant for winning a boodle of booby prizes awarded either by boob tube tycoons or by esteemed members of the booboisie.

e.g. Ruina Remi-Dee-Roo-Reitsma-Street realized that perhaps she had come down with a touch of the boobonic plague after signing up for a self-directed learning package from The University of Slippery Rock (in Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania) entitled, "Lipogrammatic Books -- or 1,001 Obscure Points for Your Perusal" featuring a wide assortment of wobbly works of wonderment such as Voyage Autour du Monde Sans la Lettre A, (for those who can't abide the letter "A", even though it appears in the title five times); Gadsby, (a 300-page manuscript amounting to 50,000 words, none of which contain the letter "e" which is by far the most common letter in the English language), and several tedious tomes among them, "Pugna Porcorum", (written by a lesser known scribe of the 16th century, one Publius Porcius who featured words beginning with the same letter such as "p" ...which is fine if you enjoy wading through umpteen pages of thin Latin plot lines like, 'Plaudant porcelli, portent per plaustra patronum').

Contributed by: Harmi Behoof-Tubbs, a trainee gravestone cutter from Smartt, Tennessee (whose favorite book, The Feminin Monarchi; or, The Histori of Bees written by Charles Butler in 1634 is rather unique in that the author uses phonetic spelling throughout his pithy piece of pedantry).