Wednesday, May 11, 2005


A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

carnibore (n.) a monotonous minced meat-eater with no axe to grind or for that matter any redeeming feature worthy of mention in a pathetic piece of paltry prose, a perfunctory yet pithyless performance appraisal, or last but not least ... a short-shrift yet self-aggrandizing obituary

e.g. Chuck Tripe was a tad difficult to fathom unless you had time to casually flip through the Preface to Terse Tales from the Titanic, assiduously pour over the End Notes to Twenty Thousand and One Leagues Under the Sea of Serendipity, or glance at the Acknowledgements and Bibliography in How to Build a Fish Tank That Won't Leak for Under $25 -- all of which may give you a hint about his floundering lifestyle as a closet carnibore, his penchant for yelling "Cowabunga" at every opportunity, not to mention his favorite pastime (clog dancing in the buff), and more to the point, why he received a non-refundable, one-way ticket to Cloud-Cuckooland (presented by his former lactose-intolerant, clotted whole milk colleagues who were called upon to organize his hastily planned, early retirement party from the highly-esteemed Centre of Udder Rubbish Research at the “Cornish Cream Institute” in Devonshire).

Contributed by: Ernie Cloudberry, a cloying clubby sort who enjoys the perks of being a bookworm buffoon and wild wallflower in Teakettle Junction, California