Saturday, July 23, 2005


A new addition to the Big Book of Bunkum:

Elffrontery (n.) a daring display of deity-impaired-ism as in 1. a bad-tempered Buddha 2. a brash brownie 3. a cheeky cherub 4. a disorderly demon 5. a disparaging dryad 6. a defiant dwarf 7. a flippant fairy 8. a forward faun 9. a graceless genie 10. a nasty gnome 11. a hypercritical harpy 12. a high-handed hobgoblin 13. an indecent incubus 14. a loud-mouthed lepruchaun 15. a mocking mermaid 16. a meddlesome merman 17. a naughty nymph 18. an obstreperous ogre 19. an overbearing ogress 20. a pettifogging PAN 21. a presumptuous pixie 22. a sarcastic satyr 23. a snooty Shiva 24. a shameless sprite 25. a supercilious succubus 26. a swaggering sylph 27. a temeritous troll 28. an uncouth undine 29. a vituperative vampire 30. a wise-cracking werewolf

e.g. Zeus, Apollo and Hermes pulled up to the Super-Duper Sports & Stuff Stadium in their gas-guzzling, turbo-charged 1,200 horse-power chariots, while Odin, Loki, Sigurd, and the Valkyries preferred to pile into a crunch-impervious, family mini-van, which meant that Diana, Minerva and Venus quibbled over who was going to drive the affordable, low-mileage Segway and who would have to thumb a ride; needless to say this set of circumstances combined with the fact that Mercury was going retrograde for the next six weeks did not make for good vibes in the universe that hot, muggy day in July 2020 and no doubt caused a bit of calamity in the egregious entertainment industry resulting in pink-slips for 40,000 card-carrying members of the Elves, Gods And Devils Society (EGADS) now regarded by the Big Guy in the Sky as unfortunate redundant mythical deities in the grand scheme of things (which regretably did not play well among the dazzling door-stopping demigods, the ever popular desk-top divinities or their ethereal entourages capable of mind-bending, mind-blowing, and mind-boggling feats of elffrontery such as "mangling misplaced metaphors”, "mincing mixed modifiers" and “dealing a death-blow to dangling phrases”, not to mention a tour de force - "flying by the seat of their pants without the aid of a safety net or a golden parachute".

Contributed by: Snapfinger Loogootee, a dedicated hourglass watcher and cocked hat spotter from Neversink (New York) with a second cousin, “Hooper”, living in Idiotville (Oregon)